August 24, 2007

GET YOUR MACHO OUT

From my interestingly curious friends, The Movies....

August 23, 2007

Rough and Tumble

My roommates and I were en route to either Cha Cha or the Red Lion the other night when we happened upon a graffiti art exhibit at local Ghetto Gloss. Seeing framed pieces from sketch books threw me off a bit. It's like -- too refined for the medium. But, they were handing out free PBRs, so we decided to mingle a bit...

My attention was immediately drawn to two boys that were tatted like ratta tat tats--no skin patch without decor. I approached. I asked. I saw. Soon, we were talking about their friend that had just OD'd on cocaine a few days prior--hence a recently inked R.I.P. tat. I asked if they learned something from the experience. They said no. They were young. I gave them each a hug and told them life was amazing. They said life was only amazing on drugs.

Eventually, I started good-naturedly poking fun at their un-bent hat brims. Pretending I was a pirate searching for ships to loot on the high seas. They said they'd never met a girl like me. Not even a 5-year-old girl. I took it as a compliment. I enjoy being perceptively naive.

August 21, 2007

The Shady Peddler

One hot afternoon, a young lady decided to sell parasols illegally in the streets to sun-squinting passersby... They called her "The Shady Peddler" and thanked her for her shady gifts and her even shadier disposition. They came in all colors but only two sizes. One shade-seeker shrieked, "I like that parasol!" Shortly thereafter, trinkets and coins exchanged hands.

August 19, 2007

I Want to Unzip My Flesh...

...and hang it on a coat rack. Then, I could walk around as my skeletal self, drinking lots of lemonade with ice and slurping on otter pops. In this heat, that sounds like the only way to really stay cool. My bones don't sweat it.

August 17, 2007

Full House

Bob Saget, a great poker hand and the current state of my apartment, as well as of the miniature apartment within my apartment.

August 15, 2007

More Than Just an Overgrown Scallion

So much more. I just bought my first leek the other day. Well, I thought I bought my first leek. But, now that I'm looking at photos of leeks on Google images, I think I just bought the largest leek ever grown. It is sitting in my fridge waiting to be eaten. I'm not quite sure how to eat it, but I believe I will cook up a leek broth, and then wing it. Mmmmmmm... leek broth.

August 13, 2007

Pocket of Hate: Black Leather Backpacks

This backpack makes me angry for some reason. Just as mini backpacks do. They're just gross. Like Danny Gans. Check out the weird stitching and tassels to boot. Eek.

August 10, 2007

VIP at Forty Deuce

Burlesque shows are oh-so-popular these days. I'd heard of Forty Deuce, a trendy, pseudo strip club that features popular burlesque revues in Hollywood, but it wasn't really at the top of my list of places to go--nor was it at the bottom. But, when opportunity strikes, you gotta snag it and go along for the ride. So when Skinner told me a friend of hers could hook it up for us at the club on a Wednesday, which happened to be '80s rock night, Stalker and I climbed aboard.

When we arrived, we were whisked directly to a roped-off VIP section with plush, red-vinyl chairs and bottle service to boot. I promptly ordered my drink: Greygoose martini extra dirty. After about two sips, a security dude approaches Stalker and I and says: "Would you ladies mind moving up to the front row? We'll comp your next drinks." Uh...fuck yes! So, here we are, sitting in a $75-a-seat section (for free), in the front row, with top-shelf drinks in hand (also for free). The next thing we hear: "Just so you know, sometimes guests in these seats get kicked in the head by the dancers." Bring it.

There were two shows that night--same dancers, same '80s theme, different songs--with one drink-refueling intermission. The acts actually take place on top of the bar, with the dancers using jungle-gym equipment to move about the room (in the rafters, hanging off of curtains, sliding down poles, etc.) The outfits (or lack thereof) were themed to correspond with different familiar tunes, which were performed by a "live" rock band. (Essentially, two douchewads in leather pants would come out on stage and play air-guitar and air-bass. I immediately told the security guy that the douchewads were ruining the show. He took notes and might recast if management agrees. I'm not holding my breath.)

The night was totally fun. The universe has been fueling my world with interesting adventures lately... and I can't wait to see what I'll be up to next!

P.S. ~ One amusing nugget: I was introduced to some guy in the VIP section who promptly announced that he was the director of "24" and the upcoming series "Californication." I said, "I don't watch TV or movies. I read books and collect miniatures." That was the end of that conversation.

August 08, 2007

Chicken-Egg Fertilization: WTF?

Have you ever really wondered what, if any, are the exact differences between chickens, hens and roosters? Like, are hens and roosters both chickens? I know i've eaten chicken and i've eaten a succulent Cornish game hen in my day. But I've never ordered up a rooster du jour.

And secondly, have you ever wondered whether or not the eggs you scramble are embryonic or just part of a hen's monthly, unfertilized menstrual cycle? And, if so, do roosters fertilize eggs before or after the hen lays them? Well, I obviously have. And I've heard all sorts of theories--from chicken/hen/rooster owners themselves even. So, in the name of discovery, I am now setting off on a mission involving everything "chicken and egg," and I will surely share my findings with the world (or, at least with the 5 people that read my blog)... BEGAWK!

In the meantime, feel free to chirp in (or squawk) if you have any insight.

August 07, 2007

Hal Fishman No Longer Sweeping the Southland

Check out today's LA Taco post for some additional pics of Hal. One of my favorite things about LA Taco is that if you're using Firefox, a little taco icon appears at the head of the URL in the search bar. Neat-o! Which reminds me...I've been eating a lot of tacos lately--either grilling carne asada purchased from the local carniceria, or hitting up the Taco Zone late-night (aka the roach coach on Alvarado near ghetto Vons in Silverlake/Echo Park). Wait..was this post supposed to be about Hal? Fack! R.I.P.

August 06, 2007

Low's "Breaker"

This is one of my new favorite songs. It's really catchy and entirely intense, and the video is just obscurely ridiculous and oddly cool. Let me know what you think.... Oh, and I dream about doing a face-plant in the world's largest cake quite often. Blood spilling, hands killing. Boo. I really want to drink a large glass of milk right now.

A Horse Named Patches

This is a YouTube snippet from my homie Sarah, who just purchased a miniature horse named TwinkleToes--no relation to Patches. TwinkleToes is 24-inches tall and will be visiting senior homes for pet therapy. She lives with Sarah in San Luis Obispo, sits in beanbag chairs and serves as an excellent foot rest. I'll post some photos soon. But, until then, meet Patches...

August 04, 2007

Mish Mash Mosh


I just remembered... In high school, in Washington State, at the onset of what would become "the grunge years," I would run up and rack the side of my body against the brick walls in the school hallways to toughen myself up for that weekend's mosh pits. WTF?! No wonder my mom got upset when I came home with a chipped tooth one evening. She told me I could still go to shows, but that I shouldn't mosh. I thought, "I just need to wear tougher shit kickers." Now, my 24-hole Docs don't seem as badass as I thought they were in high school. I would wear ratty cut-off jean shorts over green tights and would clomp around in my badass boots, Moral Crux tee on top, with a bright green cardigan and an A-line haircut shooting down just enough to create shy-girl curtains over my eyes. Those were memorable days. Bikini Kill shows in Olympia. Jawbreaker shows in Seattle and Bellingham. Gas Huffer, the Makers and Black Happy shows in Spokane. Rat Fink-styled show posters. Dumpster diving on the weekends for fun. Shooting potatoes out of a homemade PVC-pipe flint-and-steel launcher 40 feet from the car window. Playing bass in Watergirl and Belladonna. Playing clarinet in Polka Down Productions. Buying vinyl. Supporting Estrus Records, Lookout Records, K Records, Sub Pop (when it was cool) and 4,000 Holes, the only cool record store in Spokane. Getting kissed for the first time. Watching "Sid and Nancy" while promoting straight-edge punk ethics. And shoving safety pins through everything.

August 03, 2007

Pocket of Hate: The Double Micro Zap

So, this girl, this intern at work, is now my nemesis. I'm actually excited about having a nemesis again, because most of my old nemeses are no longer in the club. First, there was this guy that always seemed to be parallel parking in the last available spot, on the same street, every morning, just 2 minutes before my arrival, no matter what time I left for work. Then, there was the woman that sat behind me at work that sounded like she was constantly trying to swallow a ham sandwich when she talked. And boy did she talk. And finally, there was this copyeditor at work that wasn't really a copyeditor because every time you asked him a question, he'd rush to Google to "poll the audience." The most popular spelling, etc...of the searched term on the web would win. No reference books. No grammar guru schtick. Just Google.

My new nemesis, this intern, pulled a double micro zap on me yesterday at work. And that, is just unacceptable. I don't know much about etiquette, but one thing I know is that you don't ask "Hey, can I sneak in on your micro-zap session?" I mean, there are zapping times indicated on all frozen entrees, and these don't account for the "double zap." It just screws things up. I mean, if the double micro zap was supposed to happen, there'd be a pre-programmed button on every microwave that said "toss your shit in with someone else's shit" living alongside the "popcorn" button. And, there isn't.

So, this intern. My new nemesis. She asks and I say yes, because I felt like I couldn't say no. So, here we are, double zapping, my enchiladas in with her lean cuisine. I set the timer for a little longer than the usual zap time, just hoping to overcome the inevitable horror of the double zap, and then I headed back to my desk. She stays in the kitchen. She does some fancy footwork. She sits back down at her desk, piping hot lean cuisine in hand. She starts eating.

I head into the kitchen, and what do you know...my enchiladas are sitting in the microwave, still fucking frozen. Yeah, I could see it coming. I mean, the double micro zap just doesn't work. That's why a micro-zap line is formed at lunchtime in the kitchen. Most people understand this. This girl. This intern. Well, she will just have to live on, not knowing that she has now become my new nemesis.

So, I feel like I need to close with a disclaimer, for those of you that don't really "know" me. I love to be extreme about things. I mean, what's the point of life if you're not pouring Mountain Dew and No Fear into everything you do? And, don't even get me started about wallpapered light switches....

August 02, 2007

Nerd Fest 2007

I don't even know where to start with this one. Ummm...so I went to the San Diego Comic-Con for the first time ever last weekend. Friends of mine have gone and returned with stories, but none really prepared me for what I just experienced. First off, I am NOT a nerd. Or, at least on the sliding scale of nerdism, I definitely fall on the "cooler" side. This was a startling realization. I mean, I play clarinet, was the drum major of my high school marching band, played polka, collect miniatures, watched a SHIT LOAD of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" while cross-country skiing in my basement (on the Nordic Trak), pretended I was Raphael (TMNT) in school in the 7th grade and would pretend I had Vietnam war wounds by dragging my leg through the school hallways. But, even all of this was not enough to put me in the top tier of nerdular nerdism at this convention.

First, I'm not in a guild (although I think I might form one). And, I don't pretend I am a superhero with a secret identity... at age 30-plus. But, these people are so freaking interesting. I had a lot of crazy conversations. I got hit on by some of the nerdiest people I've ever seen (which ultimately sent me into a tizzy, screaming things like "he thinks he's in my league!!"). Yeah. I was cool.

Look for more posts to come on my adventures at the Comic-Con, most notably my realization that my calling in life is to become a miniature cardboard robot hand wrestler...

Oh, and, to close, I should mention that Jim Lee called me a nerd..several times throughout the weekend. He said he could sniff me out among my totally un-nerdy friends, who were trying their best to fit in by dropping keywords like "galaxy," "LOTR" and "wizardry." So, maybe I am just delusional and maybe I really did fit right in with the crowd. In all honesty, the scene was more my scene than any other i'd been in in a while... so, I guess I am a TOTAL NERD. Phew.

August 01, 2007

Embracing My Inner Otter

Some people are innocent and delicate, like a fawn. Some people are sneaky and sly, like a fox. And some people are quick and shy, like a fish. So, then, what does it mean to have an inner otter? Otters are kinda mean-spirited and they bang and crack nuts against their chests all day long........