December 27, 2007

Pocket of Love: Barnacles

To temper the hate, I present...a sweet pocket of love. I love saying the word "barnacle." It rhymes with "monocle" and "pterodactyl." I have never had to wear scuba gear to scrape barnacles off of ships' hulls, which would perhaps make me hate them. But, until that time, it's all love between me and the sweetness that is the barnacle.

This photo does kinda frighten me, however. Do they want to eat me?

December 12, 2007

Pocket of Hate: Chicken Diane

I'm not fond of the name Diane in general, but pair it with chicken and it's just wrong. Just say it once out loud and you'll agree: Chicken. Diane.

4 boneless chicken breasts
2 tbsp. olive oil
2 tbsp. butter
3 tbsp. chopped chives
Juice of 1/2 lemon
2 tbsp. brandy
3 tbsp. chopped parsley
2 tsp. Dijon mustard
1/4 c. chicken broth
Salt and pepper to taste

Place chicken breast between wax paper and pound slightly with mallet. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Heat 1 tablespoon oil and 1 tablespoon butter in skillet. Cook chicken over high heat for 4 minutes on each side. Transfer to warm serving platter. Add chives, lemon juice, brandy, parsley and mustard to pan. Cook 15 seconds, whisking constantly.

Whisk in broth and stir until sauce is smooth. Whisk in remaining oil and butter. Pour sauce over chicken and serve.

December 05, 2007

Pocket of Hate: Park La Brea

The following IM conversation says it all, really.

[11:43] Nancy: so - park la brea freaks me out
[11:43] Nancy: i got trapped inside a week ago
[11:43] Keith Wagstaff: My former compound!
[11:43] Nancy: how ever did you manage to live there???
[11:44] Keith Wagstaff: It's a strange, strange place.
[11:44] Nancy: it's a freakish little microcosm of oddity
[11:44] Nancy: i felt like i fell down a rabbit hole
[11:44] Nancy: and no amount of drugs would ever help me escape the surrealism
[11:45] Nancy: i need to know more about this place
[11:45] Keith Wagstaff: It's an incredibly complicated network of directions to visitors was impossible.
[11:45] Nancy: maybe i'll set up a conference call
[11:45] Keith Wagstaff: Well, every morning there are lots of old Asian people doing tai-chi
[11:45] Nancy: HAHAHAHAHA
[11:45] Nancy: yes - i did notice quite a few humans of asian decent within the walls
[11:47] Keith Wagstaff: It's also filled with lots and lots of Asian families. We got an apartment there because it was fairly cheap for the huge amount of space we got. I actually really liked my apartment, the only problem is that the gigantic buildings feel very impersonal and we never really talked to anyone in our building
[11:47] Nancy: yeah - well, after being inside...
[11:47] Nancy: i now know there are 2 distinct types of people in LA
[11:47] Nancy: those that have been inside park la brea and those that haven't
[11:48] Nancy: and those that have been inside, can never really explain what it's like to an outsider
[11:48] Keith Wagstaff: Haha. I think there is something like 10,000 people who live there...we were like the Borg
[11:48] Nancy: because no words can adequately describe it
[11:48] Nancy: hahahaha
[11:48] Nancy: did you know the only Borg that ever had emotion was named Hugh?
[11:49] Nancy: classic episode
[11:49] Keith Wagstaff: Hugh? What kind of Borg name is that?
[11:49] Nancy: i know - how random is that??
[11:49] Keith Wagstaff: Also, there's a weird facilities guy who talks to me in this office, and he made a borg joke while holding a package scanner next to my face. He's a strange man

The End.

December 03, 2007

Lone Gunman Envied By Married Gunman

The Onion

Lone Gunman Envied By Married Gunman

LOS ANGELES—"Running around firing indiscriminately into a crowd—now that's someone who doesn't have to wake up and go furniture shopping tomorrow," said Henderson.

November 29, 2007


Someone at work just said to me: "You have the eating habits of an 80-year-old, eccentric millionaire."

November 26, 2007


I was right. You can see Mars tonight. Shining brightly alongside the moon. Read this web post for more info.

At Burning Man this year, I saw several meteor showers and a total eclipse, not to mention several beautiful, starry-filled night skies. I love gazing at the stars... Ok. I'm going to stop before I start discussing: the astral plane, dream catchers and the crystalline rocks buried deep in the earth beneath my house, and so on...

Good night.

Someday My Prints Will Come...

First of all, I hope no one listened to me earlier and tried to use Citysearch to find a movie, because that shit is all jacked up still. Today, Beowolf wasn't listed as a movie currently in theaters, but you could find Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

It would be kind of random and cool to develop a movie time machine, where you could find out where, for example, E.T. was playing in '82. There has to be some sort of value in that, right? Well, I wish Citysearch thought so, because that's the product I developed.

So, until the technology team figures out what is going on with some sort of weak-ass data migration (flying south for the winter) issue, amuse yourself with the Amazingly Incredible Instant Citysearch Movie Trailer Machine.

Secondly, I was just looking at tonight's waning gibbous moon, and I noticed a really bright "star" just to the right of it that's so sparkly I'm thinking it must be a planet. Maybe Mars? I'm going to search online to see if I'm right. Maybe. Regardless, it's neat.

And finally, the title of this post...

I called my Uncle Ed on Thanksgiving to wish him well. My Uncle Ed rules. He tends to only speak in pun, literally, so every conversation is extremely entertaining. This time, he promptly asked me if I had a new boyfriend yet. I said no. So, he gave me some advice. He recommended that I hang out around a photo lab because, "someday my prints will come." LOL.


November 21, 2007

Pocket of Hate: Car Wreaths

On Monday, on my way to work, I saw a VW bug with antlers. The owner had placed a plush antler on either side of the car, in what I'm assuming was an attempt to spread holiday cheer--in mid November. Or, maybe he just thought it was "cute"? I can't be sure. But, regardless, I hate it. And, I'm no grinch. I love decorating my house for the holidays. I love the smell of fresh pine, cinnamon candles and pies baking. I'm a total sucker for a lot of the holiday hubbub. But, I just can't get behind bringing the itch to decorate to the automobile. There's just something so in your face about putting a wreath on the front of your car, especially considering a significant percentage of the population could give two shits about Jesus and his being born and whatnot. It also places too much importance on the automobile, I think. Like, people really think their car is more than just a pile of metal that they need in order to shuttle their bums places that are too far to walk or bike to. It's as if their car is really just an extension of their home, and of who they are. So, of course it deserves a wreath, some antlers and perhaps a garland of tinsel or two. Well...I hate it.

And, sheesh...can it at least wait until December if it has to be done?

November 20, 2007

Go to the Movies! on Citysearch

I've been working on relaunching the Citysearch movies pages for what seems like eons and eons. Well, the new pages finally went live today! What's kinda ironic is that I don't go to the movies all that often. In fact, the only three movies I've seen in the theaters in 2007 are: Music and Lyrics, Transformers and The Bourne Supremacy. And, I don't even rent movies. And, I don't have cable, which means no TV.

But, I have been watching this awesome BBC series on DVD lately: Planet Earth. I'm only on Disc 2, but I already highly recommend it. Disc 1 highlights: wild dogs chasing impalas (sniff!), baby polar bears playing in the snow (awww!), funny rainforest birds doing rad mating dances (wtf?!), Great Whites chomping on sea lions in aerial slo-mo (double sniff!) and ELEPHANTS SWIMMING (badass!)! Disc 2,'s a bit rough so far. It's about caves, which do have amazing, crystalline rock formations and stuff, but the glo-worms and bat guano shots--I could have done without.

November 19, 2007

I Love Felt

I went to the Felt Club holiday bazaar on Sunday. I love felt. It's just so super cozy. I bought a funny little bear made out of felt. He's smiling. He looks exactly like the bear in the picture, except he's happy. He is now perched atop my dresser.

I fondly remember felt board stories from elementary school library visits. Where characters like kings, dragons, bunnies and frogs were cut out of felt and slapped onto a felt-lined easel to pictorially accompany the tale being told. It's been awhile since I've graced an elementary school library, but I bet those felt-board story times have been replaced by more techno-savvy displays. I wonder if kids today would even find a felt board story entertaining, since nothing blinks or flashes?? I hope so. I bet cool kids would like it. Maybe it's time for a felt revival.

I own a bunch of felt. I like to make little holiday ornaments out of it. And, pillows. And little felt pockets to stow away little treasures. Or, I did. This is inspiring me to bust out my sewing machine and get back to it.

If anyone is interested in buying plush food items (of course you are!), a lot of which are made with felt, you should stop by the Munky King on Melrose now through December 2. They are featuring a plush food show called "Stuffed," and it should be pretty swell.

Oh, I also stopped by the Bicycle Kitchen on Sunday, and slurped on a pistachio and rosewater milkshake from nearby Scoops. The fact that the Bicycle Kitchen exists makes me really happy. And, Scoops too.

I love felt.

November 15, 2007

Mini Chariot!!

Everyone has to read this mini-horse article. A woman. Living in an apartment. Is arguing with her landlord. Because it's essential that she be allowed to keep her miniature horse in her apartment. Why? So that it can pull her wheelchair around, of course. Like, have you ever heard of a rascal lady?! What about a jazzy?! Those bitches can turn on a dime. But no.. This woman needs her miniature horse, Earl, to pull her like a chariot. This has to be one of the most outrageously rad stories I've heard in a long time. I love it! I mean, why not? Why not have a miniature horse pull your wheelchair? It makes complete sense to me. I mean, it's an outrage that, as the article states, "the apartment complex has no place to graze a horse." Why the fuck not?! That should be a standard amenity required for all apartment complexes. I think the landlord's concerns -- "horse droppings, hay storage and lack of grazing space" -- are completely outlandish, really.

November 14, 2007

Pocket of Hate: Sandra Tsing Loh

If anyone out there listens to 89.3 FM (KPCC), you probably already agree. Her segment on KPCC is called "The Loh Life" or "The Loh Down on Science" or some other equally nauseating use of her last name. AND IT SUCKS. Her delivery is annoying. She tries to be funny and she's not. It's just really bad. I don't even know if I can explain it adequately. You might just have to tune in. That's all.

[To my fans: Sorry to disappoint with no Pocket of Hate last week. One thing I kinda hate is having to write on self-imposed deadlines.]

November 13, 2007

Buy This Cookbook!! (if you want to)

Even though the woman pictured on the cover looks like she either wants to eat you, or spank you with that big, wooden spoon, I swear this cookbook rules. And, you don't even have to be a strict vegetarian to love it. It kinda has an old-school, antiquated style to it, which is partially why I dig it. And, it's pretty sizable, so you can always use it to squash bugs if any creepy crawlies take up residency in your house.

Recipe Pick: Red lentil soup w/ rice, yogurt and spinach swirled in. [My buddy Liz introduced me to this dish back in the winter of 2002. Props.]

Oh. And if you don't know how to cook, or even if you kinda do, but want a cool idea for a fun night out, sign up for a Hipcooks class. I've taken a few, and am most likely going to start assistant teaching there soon. It's really fun. And, Hipcooks gift certificates make rad holiday gifts.

November 12, 2007


I made a delicious cauldron of homemade chicken soup yesterday. It felt so homey and wonderful to prepare a big pot o soup, all slow-cooked and simmery in my crock pot. I invited the neighbors up for a ladle or two. So neighborly and Momma Hen of me. That's how I roll.

First, I roasted a 5 lb. chicken that was slathered with a mixture of butter and fresh rosemary, thyme, sage, salt and pepper. [The chicken was stuffed with garlic, onions and more herbals, too...] Then, I pulled all the meat off and dropped it into my already simmering brew of chicken broth, herbs, onions and carrots. Oh, and I added some whole-grain rice to the mix, too. And a ton of minced garlic. And a lot of love.

I plan on making many more soups this winter. Next up is either lentil or split pea. Mmmmmmm..................................SOUP IN MY CROCK!

October 31, 2007

Pocket of Hate: Scrappy Doo

I hate Scrappy Doo. You know, Scooby's nephew with all that pup-pup-pup-pupeeeeee power!!! Now, I'm no toked-out hippie, but Scrappy used to really harsh my cartoon-watching mellow. Especially considering Scooby and the rest of the gang were all looped out, just cruisin' around, trying to solve a mystery or two. Then, in storms this hyperactive pest of a pup, all eager to give any monsters the one-two punch.

In every non-Scrappy episode, Scooby and Shaggy would inevitably run into a monster, ghoul, what-have-you, and then run away scared--directly into a large, party sub. And, what's cooler than a party sub?!?!?! But, Scrappy Doo? Run? No way. When he was in town, he wanted to fight the monsters. His ego was that big. He had that much monster-fighting mojo. He thought he was sooooooo coooooooooool. Well, I have something to tell you, Scrappy Doo. You ain't shit!

So there.


October 26, 2007

Radio Station Callers

I was listening to Indie 103.1 on my way home from work the other day and the DJ was like, "Next up...Data Rock, by request." And, this got me thinking... WHO CALLS RADIO STATIONS TO REQUEST SONGS ANYMORE? Music is currently so accessible it's out of control. If you really need to hear that one ditty you love, you can find it on the internet, guaranteed--and quickly. Is it that these people don't have computers? And, do you think they have a cassette tape on deck, with their finger itching to hit record when their request finally airs--like we did when we were kids? I mean, seriously... I haven't called a radio station to request a song since like 1989.

October 24, 2007

Pocket of Hate: Raisins

This is going to be a really short and sweet Pocket of Hate. I hate raisins and I always have. I have absolutely no idea why anyone would want to knowingly eat a withered, nappy grape. I'm not a big fan of dried fruit in general, and don't even get me started on jellies, preserves and "fruit leathers," etc. But, the raisin is just the worst of the worst. It's small, ugly and puckered, and they taste like, well, just plain gross. I can't even say that I'm on board with the dancing, sunglasses-wearing California Raisins.

I am just unbelievably angered by raisins. Oh, and, please, please, please keep them out of cookies and other baked goods. And, while you're at it, don't flavor any cookies or cakes with any sort of lemon zest either. Blech.

Thanks for listening.

October 22, 2007

Flash: New Feature Coming Soon

I've decided to start running a regular, weekly-ish feature on Pickpocket. Because I think it'll be fun. And, because I hope to one day be showered with loads of cupcakes and moondust.

Pocket of Hate (Wednesdays)
I swear I'm a really fucking positive person. But, even us happy-go-lucky types are filled with mounds of hate. And, I hate a lot. So, set your Google Readers to receive Pickpocket's weekly Pocket of Hate, every Wednesday, to see what's ruffling my feathers that week.

Good night.

October 20, 2007

Apartment Composting 101

I got my old composting bin back up and running today. The last time I tried to compost, my roommates were tossing in McDonald's leftovers and other nappy shit. I'm hoping this time I can keep it clean and green.

It's really easy to compost, even if you're living in an apartment. The two types I've tried with my limited space are: the bin and the pit. The pit is the easiest. All you have to do, really, is just find an out-of-the-way patch of dirt, dig a hole, fill the hole back in with the loosened soil, maybe mix in some mulch and some leaves, and then start tossing in your leftover organic waste. Every time you toss in an egg shell or the rest of that bag of lettuce that's gone bad, just turn over the dirt so that it's buried, and then let the soil and the worms do the rest. Oh, and sprinkle a bit of water in from time to time to really kick things up.

Now, I'm composting in a big storage bin I bought at Target. I drilled a bunch of drainage / aeration holes in the bottom of it, filled it up with dirt, mulch, leaves, etc...and am keeping the whole thing covered--to keep things shady, moist and, most importantly, to keep any potential stench under control. It's good to make sure you get a lot of friendly little earthworms tossed into the mix so that they can help aerate the soil even more. [Remember Oscar the Grouch's BFF Slimey? Lil earthworms are our friends.]

After a good bit of time adding raw, organic waste and turning over the dirt, you'll have your own, homemade batch of nutrient-rich soil to add to your garden or to your indoor, potted plants.


October 17, 2007

Powder the Rabbit: Part One

As promised, here's the first Powder the Rabbit installment from "The Gabe." He really loved this rabbit and claims he was "the best pet ever." RIP Powder, RIP.

Powder was a rescue bunny, saved from an elementary school that was going to feed him to a large python. He was a Florida White--a short, stocky, stout breed of rabbit, generally used in labs for experiments.

As his name implies, he was all white, with blue eyes and was cute as could be. He had a somewhat playful personality with a little stubbornness thrown in. Sounds like someone I know--they say pets are reflections of their owners, or is it that owners are reflections of their pets?

I had him since he was about 2 months old. He was an adorable ball of bunny fur. He had plenty of energy and was very hard to catch when it was time for him to go back to his cage--if he hadn't gone on his own free will already. Usually I'd end up just leaving the cage open to let him go in and out at will.

He lived in large cage. Well, as large as I could fit in my condo. When I'd get home from work I would let him out to roam around and do bunny things. Hopefully not poop--which happened more often than not. No big deal.

One thing I learned: rabbits/bunnies are high maintenance animals....

Check back for more on Powder soon. And, please grace my guest author with a comment or two.

October 16, 2007


I censored myself today. If you checked my blog around 2:30pm, you may have seen my post. But, it didn't last long. It had to come down. It was funny, in a way. But it was also really dark. I'm waiting for a friend of mine / coworker--known around the office as simply "The Gabe"--to deliver a few guest-posts about his childhood pet rabbit, Powder. I'm thinking it's going to be a three-parter. Anyway... ho-hum.

[Correction: "The Gabe" just informed me that his rabbit died but a mere year and a half ago; and that he's not a child. We have a lot to look forward to, folks.]

October 15, 2007

Check My Domain

PICKPOCKET is growing up. I just revamped the page header--penmanship credited to Lea; overall design to Adam. Now I just need to figure out how to get rid of that damn box up top. I know. It's probably really easy. But...

Also, this just in... Please redirect your searches and your URL love-spreading to:

I'm trying to phase out the blogspot and to go hardcore dot com instead.

Thanks for reading and commenting, and for putting up with me in general.

October 13, 2007


There is some of the same fitness in a man's building his own house that there is in a bird's building its own nest. Who knows but if men constructed their dwelling with their own hands and provided food for themselves and families simply and honestly enough, the poetic faculty would be universally developed, as birds universally sing when they are so engaged? But alas! we do like cowbirds and cuckoos, which lay their eggs in nests which other birds have built, and cheer no traveller with their chattering and unmusical notes. Shall we forever resign the pleasure of construction to the carpenter? What does architecture amount to in the experience of the mass of men? I never in all my walks came across a man engaged in so simple and natural an occupation as building his house. We belong to the community. It is not the tailor alone who is the ninth part of a man: it is as much the preacher, and the merchant, and the farmer. Where is this division of labor to end? And what object does it finally serve? No doubt another may also think for me; but it is not therefore desirable that he should do so to the exclusion of my thinking for myself.

October 12, 2007

Gearing Up for the Season of Giving

I know, I know. It's not even Halloween yet. But, the damn holiday catalogs are already getting stuffed into my mailbox, and I have a hard time not flipping through the one's I get through public radio and television mailing lists. Why? Because they're just so strange. Half the stuff in these catalogs is completely New Age-y and weird. The other half, well, is typically just, like, odd. For example, a few years back, you could purchase a framed, voided check from Jack Haley, the actor that played the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz. I contemplated getting it for someone, because it was just so ridiculous, but it cost over $300! WHO BUYS THIS SHIT?!?!

My long-time favorite is the Signals catalog, but lately I've been receiving a few spin-offs, too. The must-have-gem pictured here was found in the Wireless catalog. For those of you reading this that are on my gift out. You might just be lucky enough to rest your wrists on this beauty. Or, maybe I'll just buy you a real baguette to test-drive first.

Browse and enjoy.

October 11, 2007

10 Scarily Bad Movies

This is an article I wrote for "Movieline Magazine" back in 2000. I thought it might be kinda cool for a re-up in the spirit of Halloween 2007...and in the spirit of retro, millennium Hunter. So, I don't mean to be pedantic, but when I say "we" below, I mean "Movieline," but, like, it's really just ME. Here it goes...

Sure, as far as hair-raised-on-the-back-of-your-neck terror, The Exorcist is unparalleled. Or is it? What about the first moments of Dario Argenta's Susperia? Or the climax of the The Wicker Man? The debate around the scariest movies of all time will go on and on, but this Halloween, we've opted out of participating.

Instead, we've chosen to look at a different kind of scary movie--the kind that, through whatever cosmic force, made it onto screens against everyone's better judgment. You know, scary in the same sense as the seemingly benign sentence: "In one week, Americans may elect George W. Bush as the next President of the United States."

In that spirit of scary, here are the top ten scarily bad movies for this Halloween:

10. Throw Mama From the Train
The plot of Throw Mama From the Train is promising. Two friends, played by Danny DeVito and Billy Crystal, have someone in their lives they want dead--for Crystal, his ex-wife; for DeVito, his controlling, whiny mother. So, they decide to collaborate and swap murders. The scariest element of this flick is actress Anne Ramsey, who plays DeVito's Mama. Ramsey's hideous looks and grating voice are bad enough in normal circumstances, but her incessant whining--especially when she yells her son Owen's name over and over and over throughout the move--drives you to the point where you really do hope to see her feeble ass thrown from the train...

9. Titanic
Yes, everyone loved the play-by-play destruction of the ship--the looming ice slicing through the hull, the clawing of abandoned Irish peasants, the passengers bouncing the ship's length to their death, from the end-up stern to the frigid water below. But, the Leonardo DiCaprio-Kate Winslet dialogue is so goddamn cheesy and horrific it's amazing anyone was able to see past it.

"You jump. I jump." We all jump. Come on! You get the picture. Take away the big floating set piece and you're firmly in "Days of Our Lives" territory...

8. Joe Versus the Volcano
Most people forget about the Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan romantic comedy that--preceding Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail--could've started it all. Hanks, who plays the title character (Joe, not the Volcano), is a hypochondriac who is informed that he has a terminal illness. A stranger with mucho bucks offers Hanks an opportunity to "live it up" on his dime. So, off goes Hanks to Waponi Woo, a volcanic island inhabited by a tribe of orange-soda fiends. There is one small catch, though: Hanks will have to jump into a volcano at the end of his vacation.

What happens next? Honestly, it's all just so terrifyingly bad that we really don't know where to begin.

7. The Next Karate Kid
Everyone should write mean letters to Pat Morita for agreeing to make this film. [2007 note: RIP Morita!] The title character this time is played not by Ralph Macchio, but by Oscar-toting Hilary Swank--a bit of casting history that demonstrates the most frightening fact of life for actors everywhere: you have to start somewhere. The Karate Kid series started slipping after the original, but the second and third installments were at least digestible. Unfortunately, adding a fourth title with a feminine twist proved a horrific disgrace to the original '80s classic... Just watch... You'll know what we mean. BONSAI!

6. The Island of Dr. Moreau
We are, of course, referring to the 1996 remake, starring Marlon Brando as the doctor. In the film, Dr. Moreau creates an isolated island community of "monsters" he has created through some kinky crossbreeding of human and animal DNA. One of his most memorable creations was his miniature sidekick, Majai, played by the world's smallest man, Nelson de la Rosa. He dressed just like the Doctor and even played his own mini piano alongside his master. Sound familiar, Austin Powers fans?

It's truly one of Hollywood's most surreal offerings in some time. Try watching it stoned...

5. Last Action Hero
Yet another piece of post-Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger drivel. The premise of this film revolves around a young boy who is given a magic ticket that transports him into the movie world of his favorite action hero, played by Schwarzenegger. And although the good guys always win in movie land, the cinematic bad guy swipes the ticket and travels into the real world, where evil can (as evidenced by the likely triumph next week of George W. Bush) win. The "bad guy" in this insane mess of bad dialogue and unimpressive action scenes is the scariest element of the film. He has a removable glass eye and owns a set of different eye designs. So, in one scene you see him with a menacing cat-eye and in another, he's sporting a gleaming smile of an eye. (We don't get it either.) This eerie villain also has a pack of highly trained pitbulls who, on command, can form a dog pyramid in a matter of seconds. Umm...[2007 note: Now that I own a dog, I have an entirely new respect for this feat. It's an art, really.]

4. Look Who's Talking Too
The original Look Who's Talking was baffling, but the sequel is even more so. Having baby's thoughts translated to us in voice-over is scary in general, but throw in Roseanne Barr as the narrator of the film's second child, and we've got a horror movie on our hands...

3. Junior
The scariest of Schwarzenegger's "Mr. Sensitive" flicks (Cf. Kindergarten Cop, Jingle All the Way) is Junior, in which the meaty Austrian thesp plays a scientist who is impregnated as part of a study on embryos (what we would give to be in on that pitch meeting...). Later on, complications arise when he becomes attached to the baby growing inside of him. Hmm.. Enough said, really.

2. Multiplicity
Multiplicity stars not one, not two, but an entire crew of Michael Keatons. Now that, folks, is scary. Keaton stars as a stressed out dad who feels pulled in too many directions, so he decides to clone himself. We loved him as Mr. Mom and Batman, but Keaton ain't no Brad Pitt, so we don't need more than one of him per flick... Sorry.

1. Sidekicks
This movie stars Chuck Norris as himself. Now, if that's not enough to terrify even the most fortified viewer... Sidekicks is about an asthmatic kid named Barry who has an incredibly rough life. So rough, in fact, that the only enjoyment he has is fantasizing about being Chuck Norris' sidekick. After getting pummeled one too many times, Barry decides to learn karate. Can anyone guess the ending? (And, has anyone noticed that Chuck Norris has looked exactly the same since Delta Force?)...

That's it. That's the article. So, um, let me know what you think the scariest movies of all time are, in that baaaad sense. Thanks for reading 2000 Hunter, too. I know. It's spotty.

October 08, 2007

in a sense

October 03, 2007


Just an itty-bitty tidbittered nugget for today:

Wilbur D. "Bill" King (October 6, 1927 - October 18, 2005) was the radio voice of the Oakland Athletics for twenty-five years (1981-2005), the longest tenure of any A's announcer since the team's games were first broadcast in Philadelphia in 1938. Prior to joining the A's, he had been the radio play-by-play announcer for the Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders football team and the San Francisco/Golden State Warriors basketball team for many years. During his career as a broadcaster, he was known for his catchphrase "Holy Toledo!"

October 02, 2007

"Dare to be Different"

Remember Zubaz pants? Those crazy Hammer-styled exercise pants that tapered at the ankle? Nothing says "extreme workout" quite like these early-'90s gems. They're breathable. They're flexible. They're FIERCE. I remember these things used to really freak me out. And, they still do honestly. They're just so WILD. Too wild. And, like, they allow way too much movement. I mean, I think they move even when no one's wearing them.

I honestly don't know how 2007 gym rats are even able to work out without these PANTS. They obviously do the working out for you. They're that good.

The Wikipedia entry claims the founders put out a limited-production re-release at some point this year. WTF?! And, apparently people are buying these things on Ebay...USED?! Oh, and my favorite line from the wiki article: "The word Zubaz came to mean “in your face” among sports fans and athletes." ...enough said, really.

September 28, 2007

Who wants to buy me this?

It's a miniature replica of Gil Grissom's office from CSI: Las Vegas!!! This is so neato I'm about to explode. I think I'll post some photos of my collections soon--though none are as detailed nor as radical as this.

September 22, 2007


Lately, I have been biting people and turning them into zombies on Facebook. I'm pretty sure I'll be over Facebook within the week, but for now, I'm having a blast on it. Why? Because it's completely ridiculously silly. For example, I can give people awkward high tens and I can pet my friend's dogs. I can also sail the high seas to earn booty points. And, who knows what else. Anyway..if you haven't checked it out yet, you should. It was opened up to folks several months ago, so we are all now encouraged to join the kids and bite some chumps.

September 18, 2007

Introducing: The Bushtit

I recently discovered the Bushtit. Apparently, Bushtits nest in the non-native vegetation around Silver Lake--according to Garry George of the Los Angeles Audubon Society (as referenced in a recent "save the Silver Lake resevoir" newsletter, which was crammed into my front door). Is this not the most ridiculously rad bird name you've ever heard? I must get out my binoculars and spy on these Bushtits soon. I bet they have a neat warble.

September 16, 2007


Thanks to Everyone That Responded...

...I did, in fact, have a wonderful time with the gorilla. No thanks to any of you. Ok...except for my neat-o roommates. :)

September 13, 2007

Gorilla Suits and Frozen Bananas Rule

I'm going to hang out with gorillas tonight at Ghetto Gloss (next to the Red Lion Tavern in Silver Lake). Details from their website:

Come by and go ape.
This Thursday, every Thursday.
Yep, we got a guy in a gorilla suit. We serve chocolate dipped frozen bananas.
We show ape related films on the outside of the building.
We serve a wicked spiked gorilla punch.
Come and browse the art gallery and the boutique late night.
We are open every Gorilla Thursday from 7P-Midnight!
Screening this Thursday, September 13:
Surprise underground gorilla film from the 70s!!

Who wants to go???

September 12, 2007

Olly Olly Oxen Free!!

Discover the correct usage and the origin of this popular childhood phrase here. I really wish I were guarding a can of rocks right now. That sounds super rad.

September 11, 2007

Burning Man: Part 1: The Art; Part 2: The Art on Fire

For those of you that think Burning Man is just a bunch of drugged-out, naked hippies riding bikes in the desert... Well, you're right. But, they are a minor factor of what I now know to be an extremely misunderstood event. Check out these shots taken by a friend of a friend to get a better idea of what the event is all about:

Burning Man 2007 Photos

The idea that some people spend a year conceptualizing, sketching and then building interactive sculptures for Burning Man, to be enjoyed for a maximum of 7 days (if that), before their work is exploded into ashes, is beyond me. The idea of it is too crazy for me to even wrap my brain around, in fact. But, I'm so glad that so many people consider it to be a worthy endeavor because the art is what really makes the event. The art and a lot of fucking FIRE.

Oh, and the Pancake Playhouse was pretty rad, too.

September 08, 2007

Happy Birthday Mr. Chips!

One year ago today, Adam rescued Mr. Chips from the North Central Animal Shelter. He was skin and bones. At first, he was actually so timid and lowkey that I started calling him Chips Van Winkle -- all he did was sleep! I remember thinking, "We got a dud. This little guy won't play!" But, all he needed was a little time and a lot of love, and now he's the best friend a girl could ever ask for. I LOVE YOU MR. CHIPS!

Mr. Chips is also quite famous now, as acting mascot for the Flying Tourbillon Orchestra. I am his manager and booking agent, so please feel free to contact me if you'd like to see, pet or hire him.

September 04, 2007

Burning Man - Black Rock City

I am still downloading my experience and processing its impact. A city was built with a self-sustaining infrastructure. Mushroom clouds of fire filled the night sky. A ceremonial toothpick was torched. Depeche Mode. White outs. Brown outs. Pickled eggs. Intention. Expectancy.

August 24, 2007


From my interestingly curious friends, The Movies....

August 23, 2007

Rough and Tumble

My roommates and I were en route to either Cha Cha or the Red Lion the other night when we happened upon a graffiti art exhibit at local Ghetto Gloss. Seeing framed pieces from sketch books threw me off a bit. It's like -- too refined for the medium. But, they were handing out free PBRs, so we decided to mingle a bit...

My attention was immediately drawn to two boys that were tatted like ratta tat tats--no skin patch without decor. I approached. I asked. I saw. Soon, we were talking about their friend that had just OD'd on cocaine a few days prior--hence a recently inked R.I.P. tat. I asked if they learned something from the experience. They said no. They were young. I gave them each a hug and told them life was amazing. They said life was only amazing on drugs.

Eventually, I started good-naturedly poking fun at their un-bent hat brims. Pretending I was a pirate searching for ships to loot on the high seas. They said they'd never met a girl like me. Not even a 5-year-old girl. I took it as a compliment. I enjoy being perceptively naive.

August 21, 2007

The Shady Peddler

One hot afternoon, a young lady decided to sell parasols illegally in the streets to sun-squinting passersby... They called her "The Shady Peddler" and thanked her for her shady gifts and her even shadier disposition. They came in all colors but only two sizes. One shade-seeker shrieked, "I like that parasol!" Shortly thereafter, trinkets and coins exchanged hands.

August 19, 2007

I Want to Unzip My Flesh...

...and hang it on a coat rack. Then, I could walk around as my skeletal self, drinking lots of lemonade with ice and slurping on otter pops. In this heat, that sounds like the only way to really stay cool. My bones don't sweat it.

August 17, 2007

Full House

Bob Saget, a great poker hand and the current state of my apartment, as well as of the miniature apartment within my apartment.

August 15, 2007

More Than Just an Overgrown Scallion

So much more. I just bought my first leek the other day. Well, I thought I bought my first leek. But, now that I'm looking at photos of leeks on Google images, I think I just bought the largest leek ever grown. It is sitting in my fridge waiting to be eaten. I'm not quite sure how to eat it, but I believe I will cook up a leek broth, and then wing it. Mmmmmmm... leek broth.

August 13, 2007

Pocket of Hate: Black Leather Backpacks

This backpack makes me angry for some reason. Just as mini backpacks do. They're just gross. Like Danny Gans. Check out the weird stitching and tassels to boot. Eek.

August 10, 2007

VIP at Forty Deuce

Burlesque shows are oh-so-popular these days. I'd heard of Forty Deuce, a trendy, pseudo strip club that features popular burlesque revues in Hollywood, but it wasn't really at the top of my list of places to go--nor was it at the bottom. But, when opportunity strikes, you gotta snag it and go along for the ride. So when Skinner told me a friend of hers could hook it up for us at the club on a Wednesday, which happened to be '80s rock night, Stalker and I climbed aboard.

When we arrived, we were whisked directly to a roped-off VIP section with plush, red-vinyl chairs and bottle service to boot. I promptly ordered my drink: Greygoose martini extra dirty. After about two sips, a security dude approaches Stalker and I and says: "Would you ladies mind moving up to the front row? We'll comp your next drinks." Uh...fuck yes! So, here we are, sitting in a $75-a-seat section (for free), in the front row, with top-shelf drinks in hand (also for free). The next thing we hear: "Just so you know, sometimes guests in these seats get kicked in the head by the dancers." Bring it.

There were two shows that night--same dancers, same '80s theme, different songs--with one drink-refueling intermission. The acts actually take place on top of the bar, with the dancers using jungle-gym equipment to move about the room (in the rafters, hanging off of curtains, sliding down poles, etc.) The outfits (or lack thereof) were themed to correspond with different familiar tunes, which were performed by a "live" rock band. (Essentially, two douchewads in leather pants would come out on stage and play air-guitar and air-bass. I immediately told the security guy that the douchewads were ruining the show. He took notes and might recast if management agrees. I'm not holding my breath.)

The night was totally fun. The universe has been fueling my world with interesting adventures lately... and I can't wait to see what I'll be up to next!

P.S. ~ One amusing nugget: I was introduced to some guy in the VIP section who promptly announced that he was the director of "24" and the upcoming series "Californication." I said, "I don't watch TV or movies. I read books and collect miniatures." That was the end of that conversation.

August 08, 2007

Chicken-Egg Fertilization: WTF?

Have you ever really wondered what, if any, are the exact differences between chickens, hens and roosters? Like, are hens and roosters both chickens? I know i've eaten chicken and i've eaten a succulent Cornish game hen in my day. But I've never ordered up a rooster du jour.

And secondly, have you ever wondered whether or not the eggs you scramble are embryonic or just part of a hen's monthly, unfertilized menstrual cycle? And, if so, do roosters fertilize eggs before or after the hen lays them? Well, I obviously have. And I've heard all sorts of theories--from chicken/hen/rooster owners themselves even. So, in the name of discovery, I am now setting off on a mission involving everything "chicken and egg," and I will surely share my findings with the world (or, at least with the 5 people that read my blog)... BEGAWK!

In the meantime, feel free to chirp in (or squawk) if you have any insight.

August 07, 2007

Hal Fishman No Longer Sweeping the Southland

Check out today's LA Taco post for some additional pics of Hal. One of my favorite things about LA Taco is that if you're using Firefox, a little taco icon appears at the head of the URL in the search bar. Neat-o! Which reminds me...I've been eating a lot of tacos lately--either grilling carne asada purchased from the local carniceria, or hitting up the Taco Zone late-night (aka the roach coach on Alvarado near ghetto Vons in Silverlake/Echo Park). Wait..was this post supposed to be about Hal? Fack! R.I.P.

August 06, 2007

Low's "Breaker"

This is one of my new favorite songs. It's really catchy and entirely intense, and the video is just obscurely ridiculous and oddly cool. Let me know what you think.... Oh, and I dream about doing a face-plant in the world's largest cake quite often. Blood spilling, hands killing. Boo. I really want to drink a large glass of milk right now.

A Horse Named Patches

This is a YouTube snippet from my homie Sarah, who just purchased a miniature horse named TwinkleToes--no relation to Patches. TwinkleToes is 24-inches tall and will be visiting senior homes for pet therapy. She lives with Sarah in San Luis Obispo, sits in beanbag chairs and serves as an excellent foot rest. I'll post some photos soon. But, until then, meet Patches...

August 04, 2007

Mish Mash Mosh

I just remembered... In high school, in Washington State, at the onset of what would become "the grunge years," I would run up and rack the side of my body against the brick walls in the school hallways to toughen myself up for that weekend's mosh pits. WTF?! No wonder my mom got upset when I came home with a chipped tooth one evening. She told me I could still go to shows, but that I shouldn't mosh. I thought, "I just need to wear tougher shit kickers." Now, my 24-hole Docs don't seem as badass as I thought they were in high school. I would wear ratty cut-off jean shorts over green tights and would clomp around in my badass boots, Moral Crux tee on top, with a bright green cardigan and an A-line haircut shooting down just enough to create shy-girl curtains over my eyes. Those were memorable days. Bikini Kill shows in Olympia. Jawbreaker shows in Seattle and Bellingham. Gas Huffer, the Makers and Black Happy shows in Spokane. Rat Fink-styled show posters. Dumpster diving on the weekends for fun. Shooting potatoes out of a homemade PVC-pipe flint-and-steel launcher 40 feet from the car window. Playing bass in Watergirl and Belladonna. Playing clarinet in Polka Down Productions. Buying vinyl. Supporting Estrus Records, Lookout Records, K Records, Sub Pop (when it was cool) and 4,000 Holes, the only cool record store in Spokane. Getting kissed for the first time. Watching "Sid and Nancy" while promoting straight-edge punk ethics. And shoving safety pins through everything.

August 03, 2007

Pocket of Hate: The Double Micro Zap

So, this girl, this intern at work, is now my nemesis. I'm actually excited about having a nemesis again, because most of my old nemeses are no longer in the club. First, there was this guy that always seemed to be parallel parking in the last available spot, on the same street, every morning, just 2 minutes before my arrival, no matter what time I left for work. Then, there was the woman that sat behind me at work that sounded like she was constantly trying to swallow a ham sandwich when she talked. And boy did she talk. And finally, there was this copyeditor at work that wasn't really a copyeditor because every time you asked him a question, he'd rush to Google to "poll the audience." The most popular spelling, etc...of the searched term on the web would win. No reference books. No grammar guru schtick. Just Google.

My new nemesis, this intern, pulled a double micro zap on me yesterday at work. And that, is just unacceptable. I don't know much about etiquette, but one thing I know is that you don't ask "Hey, can I sneak in on your micro-zap session?" I mean, there are zapping times indicated on all frozen entrees, and these don't account for the "double zap." It just screws things up. I mean, if the double micro zap was supposed to happen, there'd be a pre-programmed button on every microwave that said "toss your shit in with someone else's shit" living alongside the "popcorn" button. And, there isn't.

So, this intern. My new nemesis. She asks and I say yes, because I felt like I couldn't say no. So, here we are, double zapping, my enchiladas in with her lean cuisine. I set the timer for a little longer than the usual zap time, just hoping to overcome the inevitable horror of the double zap, and then I headed back to my desk. She stays in the kitchen. She does some fancy footwork. She sits back down at her desk, piping hot lean cuisine in hand. She starts eating.

I head into the kitchen, and what do you enchiladas are sitting in the microwave, still fucking frozen. Yeah, I could see it coming. I mean, the double micro zap just doesn't work. That's why a micro-zap line is formed at lunchtime in the kitchen. Most people understand this. This girl. This intern. Well, she will just have to live on, not knowing that she has now become my new nemesis.

So, I feel like I need to close with a disclaimer, for those of you that don't really "know" me. I love to be extreme about things. I mean, what's the point of life if you're not pouring Mountain Dew and No Fear into everything you do? And, don't even get me started about wallpapered light switches....

August 02, 2007

Nerd Fest 2007

I don't even know where to start with this one. I went to the San Diego Comic-Con for the first time ever last weekend. Friends of mine have gone and returned with stories, but none really prepared me for what I just experienced. First off, I am NOT a nerd. Or, at least on the sliding scale of nerdism, I definitely fall on the "cooler" side. This was a startling realization. I mean, I play clarinet, was the drum major of my high school marching band, played polka, collect miniatures, watched a SHIT LOAD of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" while cross-country skiing in my basement (on the Nordic Trak), pretended I was Raphael (TMNT) in school in the 7th grade and would pretend I had Vietnam war wounds by dragging my leg through the school hallways. But, even all of this was not enough to put me in the top tier of nerdular nerdism at this convention.

First, I'm not in a guild (although I think I might form one). And, I don't pretend I am a superhero with a secret identity... at age 30-plus. But, these people are so freaking interesting. I had a lot of crazy conversations. I got hit on by some of the nerdiest people I've ever seen (which ultimately sent me into a tizzy, screaming things like "he thinks he's in my league!!"). Yeah. I was cool.

Look for more posts to come on my adventures at the Comic-Con, most notably my realization that my calling in life is to become a miniature cardboard robot hand wrestler...

Oh, and, to close, I should mention that Jim Lee called me a nerd..several times throughout the weekend. He said he could sniff me out among my totally un-nerdy friends, who were trying their best to fit in by dropping keywords like "galaxy," "LOTR" and "wizardry." So, maybe I am just delusional and maybe I really did fit right in with the crowd. In all honesty, the scene was more my scene than any other i'd been in in a while... so, I guess I am a TOTAL NERD. Phew.

August 01, 2007

Embracing My Inner Otter

Some people are innocent and delicate, like a fawn. Some people are sneaky and sly, like a fox. And some people are quick and shy, like a fish. So, then, what does it mean to have an inner otter? Otters are kinda mean-spirited and they bang and crack nuts against their chests all day long........

July 23, 2007

I am Honda Certified!?!

My Honda CR-V (aka "the beast") is at the Honda dealership today for its 90K Honda-certified service, along with some repairs to bearings, discs, lugnuts, whatsits, and who knows what else..but a lot of shit was apparently worn down and in need of replacing, according to Anthony, my certifiably Honda service department rep. Total cost: $2,300. The blue book value of my car is thankfully more than that, at a whopping $7,000. But still...

Now, I know if I took it to an independent garage, the service wouldn't be "Honda certified," meaning the dudes working on the car wouldn't have been highly trained at the school of Honda. But, honestly, this certified bullshit doesn't really matter to me. And, at an independent shop, one would assume that all of the various parts and labor costs would be significantly less, since it's like going to a mom n pop plant shop versus the Home Depot. But, how much less?

First, I don't really want to take the time to find out. Second, how many times have you gone to an independent garage and gotten gouged? There are some honest folk out there--one acquaintance loves his Scientologist auto mechanic because he's also a Scientologist, so I guess they have some sort of inner alien honor code worked out, but that doesn't really help me, since I would rather [enter something gross here] than set foot inside the Celebrity Centre, especially if the only tangible payoff was to get a decent deal on car repairs.

It's like, at Honda, I know they want to keep me happy so that I keep coming back and so that I continue to buy Hondas. They want me to be Brand Loyal. And, I guess I sorta am. There's something about taking my car to Honda and getting gouged that feels a little better than getting gouged at an independent garage....even though this sort of goes against a lot of my general beliefs about corpo seduction.

Maybe it has something to do with wanting to protect the most valuable thing I currently own? Perhaps all of my soap-box beliefs get tossed out with the trash when it really comes down to serious purchases and serious loss protection? I guess I just want to feel safe and secure in my little delusional world of Honda certification.

Wow. That's sad. Right? Maybe aliens really are the answer....

July 22, 2007

Stalker Hunter Skinner

We will find you. We will kill you. We will skin you. We will eat you. Ummm... That's so creepy, but I have two new roommates and the title of this post is our three last names. So, you tell me what it all means. Although disturbing when spelled out, it's also kinda cool if you think about it. I mean, in a "we were all meant to be roommates" kind of way. I just hope that loin cloths, spears and knives aren't involved. And, I'm really considering changing my last name to Gardener. :) Mr. Chips is keeping things ship-shape around the house, of course. And, I will be sure to post all of the forthcoming adventures of Stalker, Hunter and stay tuned.

July 19, 2007

The Flying Tourbillon Orchestra

I saw The Flying Tourbillon Orchestra for the first time last night at Bordello's, the recast of Little Pedro's Blue Bongo room downtown.

First, the venue: After having been to Little Pedro's countless times for Quizzo and other live-music events (the feisty blues singer Mickey Champion held a weekly slot there for quite a long stretch), I was amazed when I set foot inside Bordello's, which has transformed the bar into a gaudy brothel-themed space with creepy golden baby statues wearing crowns and gripping magical wands. But, even though some of the decor was disturbing, overall I enjoyed the new moodiness of the bar. And, I was excited to hear some new, live music--as always.

Now, the band: If you're as confused as I was about what the heck a "tourbillon" is, then check out this definition on Wikipedia. The group is a 5-piece with rad, blended girl-boy vocals. They have a really fun energy on stage and the music is really dancey. They played one Brian Eno and one David Byrne cover, but otherwise their set was all original and they sounded, as one fellow groupie said, "phenomenal." Oh, and they used old house lamps to light the stage, which is neat.

If you're interested in checking them out, they're playing at Tangier's next Wednesday, July 25 (flyer featured here). The lead guitarist might even let you snag his set list after the show. I know the guy. I'll get you the goods.

July 17, 2007

Pocket of Hate: The California Sweep

I've been complaining about "the California sweep" for so many years now I can't remember if I coined the term, or if I read it somewhere. But, regardless, for those unfamiliar with the term, here's the gist: First, what's most interesting is this type of sweep doesn't involve a broom. Instead, dirt, debris and whatnot are all blasted off a sidewalk or surface with a long, concentrated blast of hose water.

I come from a place where fresh water is much more abundant--the Pacific Northwest--yet in all of my years in Spokane, I have never seen anyone "sweep" with water. I've also lived in Boston and London, and have never seen this happen there, either. So, what's with this phenomenon existing in what's essentially a desert, drought-ridden state?

It is such an extreme waste of a precious resource. And, sweeping with a broom is also typically paired with a dust pan of some sort, which means the sweeper ends up collecting and disposing of the sweepified mess. The California Sweep, however, just blasts the crap onto the street or into a neighbor's yard.

When I used to commute to Santa Monica, I'd pass by the McDonald's on Glendale every morning around 6:30am--right when the Mickey D's sweeper was water-blasting the entire parking lot. I guess McDonalds considers parking-lot sanitation to be of higher import than water conservation?

I don't know, really. If any of my 3 daily blog visitors would like to comment and/or enlighten me on this topic, please do. Me no likey the California Sweep. Are any of you familiar with this concept? And, does it bother you as much as it bothers me? Also, apologies for the disjointed post, but I'm really tired and moody today.

July 15, 2007

NEW! Flickr Photos

I just uploaded a bunch of new photos to my flickr page. Some are organized into sets, or albums, but most are sorta hodge-podge (sorry). I've been taking my new Canon digital everywhere (thanks Adam!), so check back often. You'll probably see some photos of YOU in there somewhere.

Nancy's Flickr Pics

Some top-rated photographed events include:
Trips to San Diego
The Levine Triplets Turn One
The Magic Castle
Miniature Shopping w/ The Peysars (BONUS: my first trip to El Pollo Loco)
Citysearch Mini Reunion
Disneyland 2007
SXSW 2007
The Dogs - Pig, Mr. Chips, Pig, Mr. Chips
4th of July 2007 Festivities
GarageBQ 2007
Merci's 30th Birthday
Summer Fests at Little Radio

Rad Indie Designers

I'm not in the mood to write much, but I did want to share some links. The following three links will make you feel warm, cozy, thrilled, familiar and "at home." There's something about all three that just simply make me smile.

31 Corn Lane

Bennie and Olive

Ach Ach Liebling

I discovered 31 Corn Lane at the 2005 Pool show in Las Vegas, and Bennie and Olive at the same show in 2006. I'm not all that keen on the most recent 31 Corn Lane line, but their stuff in '05 ruled (pictured above), and I own most of it (roller tote, purse, wallet and belt). They tend to pick a fabric/style theme and then go gangbusters pumping out different items that all essentially match.

I have yet to purchase anything by Bennie and Olive, but I love their stuff -- especially their hand-crafted belt buckles.

And ummm... I own one necklace by Ach Ach Liebling, but hope to own more. They were a discovery at the 2006 Bazaar Bizarre.

If you just want to hit up a one-stop shop for a lot of cool finds, you can also check out: Stars and Infinite Darkness

June 29, 2007

Fair Maidenhair

This is my favorite plant. Well, my favorite plant type. Not my favorite plant friend, because I don't currently own one. And, considering I currently own over 40 plants, you might think this odd. But, this guy--the maidenhair fern--is REALLY hard to grow and maintain. No matter how green my thumb gets, I can't keep these dudes alive. They're so delicate and soft to the touch. And their wiry stems and funny little leaves dance every time the slightest breeze cruises by. But, they like darkness and dampness (I've heard you can see these guys flourishing in the drab street-side gutters in Portland and such), and So Cal just ain't that.

If you do happen to have a dark, damp basement, you could probably hang on to a maidenhair fern in a lil terrarium--filled with mosses and lichens and such. One other solution that some friends of mine have had success with is companion planting. You can try placing a small maidenhair in the same pot as a bigger, large-leafed plant, which will hopefully help shade the little guy from the hot sun. In general, though, it almost angers me when I see maidenhairs in the local Home Depots and OSHes, because the liklihood of them making a solid go of it in the average Los Angeles home is slim to none. But, I am a sucker... I love them so much that I am constantly buying them (and supporting the plant vendors), just hoping that this time I'll find just the right environment for my new little buddy to thrive.

June 28, 2007

The Adventures of Frog and Toad

Frog and Toad are such dear friends. They love to do everything together. They ride bikes. They fly kites. They go on neat little adventures, all the while, never forgetting how much they mean to each other. They also wear really cute, retro slacks and funny little jackets. They meet little friends while they're out and about, like Mr. Snail. Everything is peaceful and the air in their world is sweet.

June 27, 2007

Mr. Chips Fights the Pit

Mr. Chips' short-lived days of off-leash hiking and dog-park romps have officially come to a close. Last weekend, while hiking off-leash in Elysian Park with Lea and Wylie Avenue, Mr. Chips decided to "go street" on a leashed pit bull. I mean, Mr. Chips going street can be pretty ferocious, and he has been known to draw a drop of blood or two in his day, but all in all, the little guy isn't going to do much damage. But, this DID NOT matter to the pit bull's owner, who promptly started yelling at me.

"Did you know your dog was capable of this?!?!"

Well, yes...he's a dog. Aren't all dogs "capable" of dog fights? I understand that she most likely meant, "hey..if you think you've got a wild one on your hands, he should be leashed up." But, I wanted to try this less-dog-packed off-leash scenario with Mr. Chips at least once to see if he could hang. Now that I have my answer, he most definitely will not be allowed off leash until he's received some anti-street training.

The pit owner did have some good points while yelling at me. If her dog did the same thing to Mr. Chips, he'd probably be dead. But, I was surprised at how defensive and unfriendly I became in the situation just because this lady's level of craziness was so off the charts. It really is a small glimpse into what I'm sure it's like when little Joey hits little Mikey in the gut, and then the parents have at it--both not stating the obvious, underlying sentiment: "I think you're a shitty parent."

In retrospect, I wish I'd behaved differently toward the pit owner. Maybe apologized. Maybe leashed Mr. Chips up before he was able to go back for a SECOND round (at which time the pit owner started dousing him with citronella spray -- WTF?!). But, at the time, I really didn't think this crazy, overly dramatic lady deserved my neighborlyness. So, perhaps I've created some sort of bad dog karma that will rear its ugly head in some oddball form in the near future. I really hope she can forgive and forget. I mean.. Mr. Chips is STREET. He just can't help that he's so badass.

June 26, 2007

LCD Soundsystem - "Someone Great"

I heard this song on Indie 103.1 last week, as I was driving home from a rad band practice with The Faraway Places--the group I play clarinet with. I heard the announcer rattle off the group (which I remembered) and the song title (which I didn't remember) and figured it was going to be a sweet sonic nugget lost in the ether... until today. A coworker mentioned having a similar LCD Soundsystem experience recently, so the two of us went searching online until we found our respective nugs.

This is my nug of the day:
Someone Great

And, on a related note, I just heard that LCD Soundsystem and Arcade Fire are doubling up for a Hollywood Bowl show in September, so I'm gonna have to snag tickets. The last time I saw Arcade Fire at the Bowl was with David Byrne headlining and it ruled. Also - my friend Mike Anthony yelled at a bird swirling above the crowd, which is always neat. Take a listen!

June 25, 2007

Texas Becker Ranger Walker

In honor of my dear friend Texas Walker Ranger Becker! (that's you SARAH!)

May 04, 2007

This Dream Was BORING

I had the most unriveting dream ever last night. So lame, in fact, that I can't believe I'm blogging about it. In this dream, I literally mowed the backyard lawn at my Spokane house in what felt like real time. The only interesting element was that I decided to mow it in a spiral, as opposed to the various vertical, horizontal and diagonal mowing options. ...and then I woke up.

April 01, 2007

The Marble Children

Before I woke up... I was babysitting marbles. These two children had marble casings that they could go inside from time-to-time. They would just strip and save essential genetic coding, and then they could disappear into their marbles. I thought this was super cool untill I "lost my marbles." Those small, slippery buggers... Luckily, I managed to find the lost child before the parents returned. But, because of the stressful episode, the marble child thought I was its Mom. I had been impaled with several screws and nails in a genetic marble explosion of some sort and I was now a parent. ...and then I woke up.

March 30, 2007

Pass the Collections Plate

What motivates people to collect things? I've always been a sentimental pack rat. But, it's true. I save things. For example, the bright green comb I use to part my hair every morning was given to me by Danny Beha at my 4th (I think) birthday party. My brother and I were bathed as babies in the yellow tub I now use to clean out my turtle pond. The kitchen towels I use to dry my dishes were embroidered by my grandma. I guess I just like to surround myself with fond memories and with things that remind me of the people that I love. I've also noticed that I like to add meaning to things by replicating them or collecting them so that there are multiples of things that I think are cool. I mean, in the past, I've collected bottle caps, stamps, porcelin figurines, charms, garbage pail kids, stickers (when I was a kid), and records and such when I got a bit older. But now, at age 29, the collecting has reached an all-time, obsessive high. I am now actively collecting the following:

* retro dollhouse furniture (so that I can have funny little rooms inside all of the rooms in my house)
re-ment miniatures (japanese-styled mini replicas of everyday items). (They also started a US branch)
* HO-scale train stuff
* Star Wars micro-machines

Do you notice a theme? MINIATURES! I also think things that are oversized are cool too (I have a giant comb and a giant pencil), but pursuing that hobby could get out of hand really quickly as far as space. :) I'm hoping at some point I can connect the dots between all of the above and incorporate everything into a miniature world, complete with landscaping and cool details. It will be a mini empire. And I will be the ruler of the land. I will be special.

March 29, 2007

Spiders, Ice Skates and Edible Busts

Before I woke up... My brother and my cousin Ryan asked me to go to this crazy trance / goth club with them. The entryway was filled with spiders scurrying across the floor (I hate spiders), but I decided to tip-toe through them to at least take a peek inside the club. Once I slipped past the door-woman, I pushed open the door. The inside glowed with a blue, up-lit ice floor. Everyone was ice skating and slicing spiders in half with their skates, since the floor inside was as spider-populated as the entryway. Honestly, I got creeped out and didn't even bother looking for my brother and cousin. Instead, I decided to head to this bar that was connected to the club (no spiders in sight). The weird thing about this bar, though, was that you could order edible busts of celebrities, psuedo-celebrities and just strange-looking commonfolk. I purchased two of them (for a total of $80) and started noshing on some random-dude's cookie-tasting head. I remember it tasted great, but I started to feel sour about spending $80. So, I did something slick with receipt so that when I went to return the second, untouched edible bust, they refunded me $60--making the one that was already half-eaten a mere $20. ... then I woke up.